Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
