Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
