how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
