I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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