I need to stop coming to work sober
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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