No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This is the high leading the old right now
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
