I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
