6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Boobs are out for the taking
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
