u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
