Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She bit a glass in half.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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