i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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