a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize