So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
