Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My ATM looks so different sober.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
