do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
