Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
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