piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
