Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
