Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
