party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
