She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
