dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
