I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
