Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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