i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
