I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
