I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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