Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she looked like the before picture.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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