Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Your penis caused this!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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