I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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