I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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