Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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