i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
