she was so not down for the gang bang
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
