god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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