In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
