having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize