that's an acceptable place to lick
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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