Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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