There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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