My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize