Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
