Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize