Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
