Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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