Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
