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She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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