Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Im part way to drunk.
I have already put on my inside pants.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
