I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
