the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
