i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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