Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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