I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
