Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
