So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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