I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize