she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
