I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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