Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
