is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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