I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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