I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
