you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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