She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
