Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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