Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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