Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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