It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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