You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
