the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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