He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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