Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
